capt_kasya: (kasya color)
[personal profile] capt_kasya
When I woke up this morning, I regretted it.

Waking up, that is. Not sure about the thing with Liadov.

Bad hangover, stiff neck, and I had to piss so bad it hurt to sit up. It would have been easier to still be asleep, but I managed to get out of his bed and get my boots and gear on quick enough.

Otherwise, I was still fully dressed. I checked. Just in case. You never know.

It was easy to mumble excuses about having to get a shower and a change of uniform before roll call. Liadov wasn't feeling so great either, but he was too hungover not to be polite about it.

It's been a long time since I've gotten that drunk. Not since I had any sense, at least. You'd think I'd have sense now, but...

Well, special circumstances I guess. Two dead bodies in one night, one of them an Ocelot. Liadov going into shock, nearly dying. Isaev and Imanov skipping off to do who knows what. Together.

Strange. The thought of it doesn't bother me as much as it did last night. I guess after hearing Liadov's story, I realized I wasn't so bad off. That's the big picture. Perspective. I needed some last night, and he gave it to me.

...

He needed something I didn't give him. Not sure if that makes me a bastard or not, but I'm relieved I didn't do anything.

Not that I really wanted to, but I'm glad he didn't push harder, either.

I guess whatever he does works for him, but...

Actually, I'm not so sure about that. I remember him admitting to me during my interview that he wasn't happy, not in so many words, but that's what he implied. I think he doesn't want to let himself be happy, because he thinks...

Huh. I don't know. He never did answer my question, about exactly what happened between him and Ilarion. I know Lasha slept with his wife, but it didn't sound like Liadov would have really minded that. More to the story, there, things he didn't get to because we were too drunk and he had already said too much.

Still. I might ask him again, someday, and try to figure it out.

Not right now though. I need distance, and I'd rather spend some time with Isaev.

I don't know why what happened between Liadov and Ilarion matters to me, but I guess it does for some reason. Seems like I've gotten myself in the middle of this whole thing somehow, so I might as well know what I'm dealing with.

September 2009

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